Oliver Perez stood by his locker after his team rallied late to give him a no decision, saving him a devastating loss. He sighed and breathed deeply into his microphone, contemplating the right words to say, the right way to convey the relief and the euphoria he felt after being let off the hook. He wouldn't be responsible for a slip up in the Mets' charging towards their division crown in Aught Eight.
He looked at the microphone, tightened his grip. His eyes, red-rimmed and weary, closed slowly. Then he lowered his giant, gaping monkey face on top of the mike and started sucking away like Rich Garces trying to extricate the last bit of Slurpee from his Big Gulp. It wasn't a microphone at all; it was David Wright succulent penis.
Oliver Perez, who has been a revelation the last month and a half as a waiver pick up for my fantasy team, biffed it against the Washington Nationals (!!!) last night, and instead of accruing the loss he deserved his stupid, ball-twiddling teammates bailed him out with a three-run sixth inning. I wish those bastards would've just lost. I don't care about the no decision! What feeling does that leave me with! It wasn't a win like I needed, so I wanted everyone involved to suffer!
GAHHHHHH
On the plus side, waiver whore Randy Wolf gots me a much needed winsy poo. What a guy!
***
On the injury front for NFL, Marques Colston will be out for 4 to 6 weeks with a thumb injury that required surgery. That leaves the door open for Devery Henderson, David Patten, and Robert Meachem to fight over who gets a first-row seat to watching Jeremy Shockey and Reggie Bush catch all of Drew Brees' passes.
It's kinda sad, really; the same guy in my league that owned Tom Brady (nutsack, I mentioned him) and Chris Johnson also owned Colston. This dude's team is Team Madden Cover. Absolutely ridiculous, man.
***
Erik Bedard is throwing still. For no good reason. I hope his fetus goes to hell.
***
Fantasy pickup for this weekend: Antwaan Randle-El. He's like poor man's old version of Nate Burleson.
What's up with injuries this season? Good lord.
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