Monday, May 21, 2007
BOYCOTT!
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Hockey? Shmockery! Shm....shnockem...y?
regrettably, it seems that the NHL has rescinded its claims of a new era with officials dropping a dook all over the ice. clutching, grabbing, hooking...essentially everything the bloody new jersey devils graced the NHL with in '95 en route to a ill-deserved stanley cup, are back with a vengeance. scoring, the thing that has been bringing fans back to the sport, has plummeted, no thanks to refs who just turn a blind eye to brutish behavior (chris pronger body slam - no penalty during the game, suspension upon further review).
"experts" like scott burnside of espn says for fans to stop whining about the lack of scoring and "enjoy playoff hockey." i have been an avid fan of the NHL since 1993, and i enjoy scoring. i also enjoy goalies playing at the top of their games, and being peppered with shots can spur a goalie into the performance of a lifetime. remember how nicholai khabibulin burst onto the scene with the winnepeg jets and behaved like a hoover against the red wings in '95? that game sticks out much more than anything the last five years have given us.
look, scoring makes the nhl beautiful: it emphasizes the skating and the stickhandling, and it can really get a game chippy and raring for a Scrum (the best term available for a hockey fight).
and on an unrelated note, albert pujols might be the worst player in professional baseball history. what's up with his hitting? he's swinging with all the gusto of a dead fish. and honestly, what's up with baseball in general? is the steroid scare altering the way the game is played?
and speaking of steroids (segue!), last night i watched "Rookie of the Year" last night with some buddies, and the barry bonds (pirates, 1993) cameo caught us all off guard. THE DUDE HAS GAINED AT LEAST 100 POUNDS! THIS IS NOT NATURAL! WHY MUST MLB FURTHER MY CONSPIRACY THEORIES BY TURNING A BLIND EYE TO THIS ONE EXAMPLE OF BLATANT CHEATING!?
i gotta stop now, i almost had a convulsion.
Friday, May 11, 2007
basketball?
first off, isn't it kinda cool how jerry colangelo of the raptors is like dave dombrowski of the detroit tigers? eerie similarities between the two, how they shaped teams into dominant juggernauts, got bored, and went to crappy teams to build them up as well. i think these guys should become the new co-commissioners of the NHL. (sidenote: the red wings playing the ducks scares the holy bejeezus out of me.)
also, the pistons were two point underdogs against the bulls last night? because the bulls were at home? really? i mean, two straight absolutely slaughtering blowouts....and home court advantage would erase those like scope on garlic breath? fortunately, the pistons looked down upon their juvenile opponent, gave them the disapproving parent face, and proceeded to say "Nuh-uh" for about three or so hours. the comeback from a gaping deficit at half time was pretty sweet, but probably not as sweet for us normal folk as it was for the folks who actually put money on the pistons.
"they're down by HOW much? OH GOD!"
24 minutes later...
"IT'S LIKE I'M MADE OF MONEY! I AM LEGAL TENDER IN FIFTY STATES! AND CANADA! AND MEXICO! I WANT TO BUY A KITTY!"
sometimes i feel like the NBA is on its way to being legitimately popular again, judging by the teams that advanced. new teams take out the old ones, superstars coming up big when it counts for whatever team is scripted to win...i mean....destined to win....
and on an unrelated note, barry bonds is now back again on HGH and horse enhancers. seriously, it's not like anyone will test him now that he's so close to the record. you can practically hear the thoughts banging around that enormous head of his...
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Ricky Who?
"Blades of Glory" seems to be another success for will ferrell, and i know i'm excited to see it. from word of mouth it appears to be a pretty solid movie, and the combo of daniel heder's subdued goofy and ferrell's bombastic goofy looks to be a good match. personally, i just like the way ferrell keeps having connections with sports in his movies, from this to "Kicking and Screaming" to "Ricky Bobby." maybe he would be interested in a "Slapshot" remake...or a biopic of harry carey. one can only hope...
here are the rankings for catchers and starting pitchers:
Catchers:
1. Joe Mauer
2. Victor Martinez (1B)
3. Brian McCann - it's funny how the braves have mccann in a long term deal as well as staltamacchia, the top catching prospect, in their system.
4. Kenji Johjima
5. Michael Barrett - after an abbreviated season last year, i think he'll mash this one.
6. Mike Piazza
7. Ramon Hernandez
8. Jorge Posada
9. Russ Martin - he's like a new pudge rodriguez!
10. Ivan Rodriguez - he's like an old pudge rodriguez!
11. Johnny Estrada
12. Paul Lo Duca
13. Jason Varitek
Starting Pitchers:
Johan Santana
Jake Peavy
Carlos Zambrano
Chris Carpenter
Roy Oswalt
Roy Halladay
Brandon Webb
Ben Sheets - STAY. HEALTHY.
John Lackey
Scott Kazmir
Jeremy Bonderman
CC Sabathia
Dan Haren
Felix Hernandez
John Smoltz
Daisuke Matsuzaka - unproven commodity could shift the red sox fortune....or get shellacked.
Aaron Harang
Brett Myers
Justin Verlander
Rich Harden - STAY. HEALTHY. CANUCK.
Bronson Arroyo
Chris Capuano
Curt Schilling
Barry Zito
Freddy Garcia
Chris Young
Dave Bush - look out for this guy: he could be really good.
AJ Burnett
Randy Johnson
Dontrelle Willis
Cole Hamels
Jason Schmidt
Erik Bedard
Ervin Santana
Matt Cain
Bartolo Colon - prooooobably should be higher...
Kelvim Escobar
Javier Vazquez
Jason Jennings
Nate Robertson
Mark Prior - prooooooobably should be lower....assuming he gets back to the bigs.
Mike Mussina
Josh Beckett
Jered Weaver
Jeff Francis - a steal in sheep's ballpark.
John Patterson
Rich Hill
Scott Olsen
Brad Penny
Kenny Rogers - kenny! nooooooooo!
Tom Glavine
Chien-Ming Wang/Kei Igawa - one's injured, one's unproven...i just couldn't decide where to put which. and no, i'm not lumping them together because they're asian.
Jose Contreres
Adam Wainwright
Ted Lilly
Chuck James
Andy Pettitte
Jeff Suppan
Derek Lowe
Jeremy Sowers - could get some serious W's.
Joe Blanton
Jon Garland
Anibal Sanchez
Jake Westbrook
Mike Maroth
Kevin Millwood
Boof Bonser - ....i'd draft him early just for the name alone.
Vincente Padilla
Doug Davis
Josh Johnson
Randy Wolf
Oliver Perez/Miguel Batista - one of these guys might be a great value pick. i think.
also, i think that the twins might finally drop to mediocre status this year...and then catapult back up when liriano comes back next season. go tigers!
Thursday, March 29, 2007
ugly = awesome
we can all agree that joakim noah, though a superb rebounder and high-octane energy guy (like shane battier 3.0), is hideous. his hair, his teeth, his awkward resemblence to a WNBA player...it just goes on. but i would venture to say that he is as good at basketball as he is ugly, and that is why his team is in the final four. look at greg oden. the dude looks like a 53-year-old pig farmer; i haven't seen that weathered of a face since jack palance hosted "Ripley's." he kinda looks like one of the cavemen from those awful geico commercials. BUT he is also the potential number one pick in the NBA draft and is a collegiate force of nature, muscling his team to the final four. lorenzo mata of UCLA? almost made my hdtv crack in half. he just can't wear enough sweat bands to detract from his horrific appearance, but it was certainly enough to propel the bruins through the tourney. and then there's patrick ewing, jr....but that's just hereditary.
so essentially, college basketball teams need these gollums to aid them in their quests for glory, like a reverse Ephialtes from "300."
on the pro basketball front, let's dissect a potential championship foundation in orlando: dwight howard is, most certainly, the most imposing young forward in the league, due to his already impressive talents and developing skills and body. but what of the other twin tower down there? darko milicic, all 21 years of him, is developing quite nicely as well. i've been singing his praises since the pistons drafted him, worthy or crazy, back in '03, and i still believe in him now. his game is becoming qutie noticeable, especially playing alongside howard, and if he chooses to stay after this season (which orlando should be able to afford), those two guys could really form a dominate pairing for years to come. not bad for a dude who played in the NBA with braces, and another who played with boy-band hair.
now, the rankings for SS and 2B (italics indicate contract year, parenthesis indicate position eligibility):
Shortstop:
1. Jose Reyes
2. Jimmy Rollins
3. Michael Young -consistently amazing.
4. Miguel Tejada
5. Derek Jeter
6. Hanley Ramirez - like a poor man's reyes, but needs to do it again for me to believe.
7. Carlos Guillen
8. Rafael Furcal
9. Stephen Drew
10. Bobby Crosby
11. Jhonny Peralta
12. Khalil Greene - a world of talent...but very brittle fingers.
13. Troy Tulowitzki - NL ROY candidate...potentially.
14. Felipe Lopez
15. Orlando Cabrera
Second Base:
1. Chase Utley - king of the dung heap
2. Brian Roberts
3. Robinson Cano
4. Rickie Weeks
5. Howie Kendrick
6. Chone Figgins (3B, OF) - drops because of the whole one-month DL thing
7. Chris Burke (OF)
8. Freddy Sanchez (3B, SS) - drops due to injury, too
9. Mark DeRosa
10. Tadahito Iguchi
11. Dan Uggla - ....hey danny, do it again! i dare ya!
12. Ian Kinsler - huge upside
13. Josh Barfield
14. Brandon Philips
15. Julio Lugo
16. Ray Durham - i swear one of these days he'll realize he's old and not good at baseball...i just don't know when.
17. Marcus Giles
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Fantasy Time
and so now, the season is upon us. the opening day starters are listed, lineups are all but set, and my own draft has come and gone. in the days leading up to 4/1/07 i plan on listing my own fantasy pre-rankings in addition to whatever sport-related tidbit i'd like to share. so here is my initial predictions for this season:
AL MVP: Alex Rodriguez - let's be serious here. the man is in a walk year, he dropped about 12 pounds in the off season, he's coming off a relatively shotty season, and he's now got a chip on his shoulder the size of brooklyn. plus, it's just regular season MVP, it doesn't carry over into the playoffs or anything. a sleeper candidate could be a healthy travis hafner.
NL MVP: Albert Pujols - this man has gotten robbed more than a blind man flashing dollar bills in detroit. he should have about four trophies, but instead has one due to ignorant voting. what does he have to do to get another, win the triple crown? sneaking up to seize it could be jose reyes if he keeps improving in leaps and bounds.
AL Cy Young: Johan Santana - as much as i'd like to hope it would be Jeremy Bonderman, we should just go with a winning formula and say it's santana. a dark horse for this one could also be jonathan papelbon back in the closer role or roy halladay with healthy run support and healthy...health.
NL Cy Young: Carlos Zambrano - he's got the stuff, he's got the support, and he's got the motivation of a huge (HUUUUUUGE) potential cotract. the only thing that can derail him is if he actually rips his arm off on the mound. the only person who could upset him is ben sheets...assuming his body doesn't fall apart.
AL Not-So-Sleeper: Mark Teixeira - honestly, if everything's on track, the dude's gonna mash the cover off the ball benny rodriguez-style.
NL Not-So-Sleeper: Morgan Ensberg - dude had a bum shoulder. cost him some hardware (look at his April numbers! disgusting! he had about 15-17 dongs before his shoulder cut out). however, his batting eye improved (101 walks over 96 K's).
AL Sleeper: Mark Teahen - as a rookie he hit 18 home runs and was 10 for 10 on stolen bases....FOR THE ROYALS. plus, he has dual eligibility as both a 3B and an OF.
NL Sleeper: Brad Hawpe - those cooky rockies seem to gestate these hitters and birth them forth recently, eh? hopefully this guy will be next in line....'cause i drafted him.
now, 3B rankings (contract year in italics):
1. Alex Rodriguez
2. Miguel Cabrera
3. David Wright
4. Aramis Ramirez
5. Troy Glaus (SS)
6. Garrett Atkins - he's gonna have to do it again before i believe in him.
7. Morgan Ensberg
8. Scott Rolen
9. Ryan Zimmerman - who's batting behind him? dmitri young? oy.
10. Eric Chavez
11. Bill Hall (SS) - why not just put him at 3B for real and let tony gwynn, jr. lead off?
12. Chipper Jones
13. Joe Crede
14. Adrian Beltre
15. Brandon Inge
16. Mark Teahen (OF)
17. Chad Tracy
18. Melvin Mora
19. Mike Lowell - am i crazy or is he kinda good again?
20. Hank Blalock - what the capital F happened to THIS guy?
21. Wilson Betemit (2B, SS)
and now for some non-baseball articles:
- NHL playoffs start in two weeks. joe thornton is making a serious bid for NHL MVP in addition to overtaking hockey jesus (sidney crosby) for the Art Ross. dominik hasek still has a groin. people in carolina don't realize they have a team...still. things are heating up!
- if they lions take brady quinn over joe thomas i just may, in fact, collect a small group of befuddled fans to rescue bill clay ford, jr. from matt millen's basement to alert him of the fact that his team IS BEING RUN INTO THE GROUND.
- tubby smith going to minnesota - good for them...not for him.
- best final four in years, eh? and how cool would an old-school meeting of UCLA and Georgetown be in the finals? maybe we can forgive patrick ewing for being ugly. maybe.
- um. nascar?
- why are the bears dismantling ever-so-slowly? didn't they just go to the Super Bowl?