Olympics METAL! Wah-wah!

Starting up a big-boy grown-up job after working at a camp can certainly put a damper on a blogging schedule, that’s for dern sure.

First things first, though: Olympics, Josh Hamilton, Pudge Rodriguez, Kobe Bryant, Mike Beasley, Craig Jones, Erik Bedard, Marion Hossa, the Dark Knight (not sports, certainly, but my gosh, man!), Darren McFadden, Mike Martz, Brett Farvevrer, Anna Kournikova, Portland Trailblazers, and Cliff Lee. Movers? Yes. Shakers? Of course. Things that should be of interest? Naturally.

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Over this little hiatus (yes, another one) the Detroit Red Wings pilfered two rather helpful contributors to the Pittsburgh Penguins in Ty Conklin (backup extraordinaire) and Marian Hossa.

Conklin gained renown this season for coming in when MA Fleury went down in net and essentially set up a giant panda in front of the crease; no one could beat the guy for stretches it seemed. He was like a menacingly fat child guarding a box of Twinkies.

Hossa is, outside of ‘Rik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk, the best two-way forward in the NHL. Dude’s a dynamo—watching him tear up the ice, forechecking, backchecking, going on the offensive, plotting in the neutral zone, and then scoring oodles of goals, it’s always been a pleasure, and now I get to watch the dude from my team’s perspective. Am I excited? Does a hobo ride the railways? (A Boxcar Hobo is being referenced, not the Hitchhiking Hobo or the Alleyway Hobo. Durr.) Can you even imagine him on a line with either of the aforementioned two-way Wings? OR BOTH?? Oop, just shat myself.

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Cliff Lee cannot stop pitching well. I realize that in the past he has shown himself to be a reliable pitcher, if not an up-and-comer, for the Indians; dude went 18-5 in Aught-Five for the Native Americans. His middle name is Phifer. But what he’s doing now? He’s not pitching out of his mind, he’s pitching out of FDR’s sealed and mummified anus right now (completely random and inexplicable. Get it? Good job). Plus, I thought starting the All-Star game would affect him negatively, but no, the Lee train keeps right on rolling.

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Also recent, Francisco Liriano was (FINALLY) called up to the Twins. After eating the lunch of pretty much everyone in the International League, Liriano and his agent AND the throng of Minnesotans sick of second place began to question out loud the validity of keeping Mr. Lightning-In-A-Bottle in the minors. After Livan Hernandez went his 14^th straight start of throwing marshmallows instead of baseballs, Twins GM Bill Smith takes the scales off his eyes and notices the destruction left in Liriano’s wake an calls him up. Good decision? FREAKING DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (with an emphasis on the heavy-breathing “H.” Go on, try it. “Hhhhhhhhhhhhh.”).

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Oh, and the Olympics are starting soon. I’ve never been big on them ‘Lympics, but I’ll give it another go. Maybe USA basketball won’t suck a donkey choad this time. MAYBE.

The Haze

First post in how long? Good lord. Embarassing.

Justin Verlander is not actually bad at baseball. This is a common misconception with the average baseball fan; his numbers are lacking, and his performance of late leaves something to be desired. However, this sad-sack donkey-hole job of hitting, fielding, and pitching that the Detroit Tigers have been up to lately can taint the entirety of this kid's perception. The same can also be said of Miguel Cabrera, Jeremy Bonderman, Magglio Ordonez, and (to a recent extent) Curtis Granderson. I know these are good ball players. You know they are good ball players. It's just that, and I firmly believe this, they are embroiled in a schnide the likes of which haven't been seen in... well, they kinda seem to be setting a new precedent right now.

Verlander has had ridiculously good luck his first two seasons, playing for teams that may or may not have influenced his stats and performance a skosh. Now that the whole team is bogged down it seems to be easy to start panicking and entering that "HOLY HELL! START TINKERING! TINKERINGS!"- mode. I swear on a stack of grandmothers that all this will require is some patience. Verlander doesn't actually suck. The Tigers don't actually suck. I'd present statistical backing right now, but this is my first post back in over a year and I'm quite lazy.

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I honestly hope that the Hornets make it to the NBA finals this year to represent the Western Conference. I know the popular prayer is for a Lakers/Celtics brouhaha for the season's climax, but watching Paul, West, and Chandler attacking Chauncey Billups, Tayshaun Prince, and my boy Theo Ratliff over seven games would be...well, I was going to say "a gritty gutfest!", but chances are it'd be a slowed down, angry, violent series, sans over-saturation by the grueling, drooling media monster.

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Lord, I am terrified of the Penguins. Sidney Crosby, though man-tasic, is a force of nature. Gino Malkin seems to be the cow dropping on your car after Crosby's hurricane, and Marian Hossa has been playing things too under the radar. He's in a contract situation, how could he not want to give the performance of a lifetime?

And speaking of, if you were Hossa, wouldn't you play for much less for the chance to play with the Cros? I mean, I'm not saying he should take league minimum; he's way too good for that. It would behoove him to take below market value, though, assuming he wants to win Cups and pile up lifetime stats.

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This is Cliff Lee and his family. Now, just by looking at this picture, wouldn't you picture him as some guy working for Saturn? I mean, his family is too adorable and he just....he just looks like a guy. Actually, I think I loaned him a buck at an airport over the holidays. Hey, Cliff! Don't worry about the dollar! You are helping my fantasy teams too much!