Fantasy Sports are Killing My Unborn Child

For the first three rounds of my ff league, i drafted LaDainian "Tommy" Tomlinson, Steven Jackson, and Ryan Grant. Sounds like a sweet stable of running backs, eh? A foundation to build on as yards are accumulated and TD's horded? Like greedy, greedy underpants gnomes? Well, the funny thing is, THEY ALL SUCK THROUGH TWO WEEKS! Want to know who my best back is thus far? The Darkness, Jerious Norwood, who's been collecting moss on my bench with kyle orton and deion branch's corpse. Week One was a tease between Tommy and Grant: both rushed for 90+ yards and no TD's. They were due, right? Bollocks to those two C U Nest Tuesdays! They ran for a COMBINED 46 yards (26 by tommy, 20 by grant)! AGAINST THE LIONS AND CHARGERS!!!

Steve Jackson did okay, considering the fact that the Rams will never hold a lead and he might score 3 td's all season. Kurt Warner came through, though. Y'know, save for the fact he threw all 3 TD's to Anquan Boldin...who was on my opponent's team.

And then there was Jon Kitna. I benched Green Bay's D in favor of New England this week, because, y'know, NE played the Jets (and Favre isn't that good, will hunting) and i felt like the lions would be efficient in their passing prowess. I looked pretty smart for doing so, until the bloody fourth quarter when Kitna found my sundae and blasted ferocious hot brown stew all over it. Three INT's in the fourth? Really? To my benched D? REALLY? FOR TOUCHDOWNS THAT BENEFITED THE AFOREMENTIONED DEFENSE WHILE IN REAL LIFE COSTING MY HOMETOWN TEAM A WIN?????!?!?!?!?

/seizure

(wakes up in blue vomit)

(looks around)

(sees, Jon Kitna, sitting on a potted plant, grimacing, makes eye contact)

Me: You son of a bitch...

Kitna: Bluh?

Me: What happened to the running attack? The one that would have eaten all the clock time?

Kitna: --grunts--

Me: THE RUN THAT WAS RE-COMMITTED TO?! SO THAT WHEN THERE WAS LESS THAN 20 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK A FIELD GOAL WOULD HAVE BEEN KICKED AND YOU WOULDN'T COST ME POINTS AND YOU WOULD'VE BEATEN THE PA...


/seizure

(Kitna stands over my unconscious body. licks my hair)

** fin **



...seriously, though. I should not have lost this week. My team owes me.